The fanny pak chronicles
A fanny pak? I can hear most of you non north americans saying, what the hell? You sick puppy! So whats is a fanny pak? Here is an example: Hmm? Now you know what I am talking about then we came move forward. In oz, we call them bum bags or packs.
My fanny pak chronicles start in 2002 in canada, when I was hiking with a few canadian friends. We had started the trip and the girls started talking about shoving things into the fanny paks or trying to stuff more things into the small fanny paks. I think the point where I first lost it and started laughing, was when one of the girls mention trying to fit in some bananas into her fanny pak and it WAS JUST TOO BIG to fit in her fanny. The 12 year old boy within myself, just burst out laughing, which made the girls pull a puzzled face. I manage to keep way from the subject, but they had noticed I was always pull a bit of a smirk, when they mentioned certain words.. and I finally gave in.. For the next 8 hours all I heard was putting this or that in their pussy bags! Because in australia, uk and NZ, fanny= vagina, pussy.. etc.. I think you get the idea right? And fanny in north america, is a cutesy name for bum/backside/bottom or arse!!! wait, I mean ass, for you americanos.
Now, I don't go out of my way to bring this story up time and time again with travellers or random people I meet. It takes a certain thing to trigger a tale. And this happen, in New york city. I had met a new york girl, by the name of heather in london and I had caught up with her again in NYC. It was an evening at her place, talking to her flat mate and her flatemates boyfriend. This was roughly 2003/2004. Heather asked me to tell a story or travel tale of mine, it hit me that there was 3 americans in the room and this would be a tale to tell them.
I began where it all started, middle of the 1990s, 1996 or 1997, roughly. On top of Mount Cootha. A city lookout in brisbane. I was up there with friends, having a nice lunch and a few drinks. I looked around at the 3 americans, heather and her friends listen with interest. You see, we had been filling our gobs with food and drink when a large tourist bus pulled up to the lookout. We could hear the accents miles away, it was a bus full of americans. We paid little attention to the bus, until this one women began to come off the bus. She was a very large african-american woman, As she got to the exit doors on the bus, she said out in a very loud southern american drawl accent, "I got such a saw FANNY, from sitting on that bus all day!" MY memory is a little bit hazzy now, But I wasnt sure if it was the food I was either spitting out or choking on or the beer that came out of my nose that nearly killed me or the very fact I was laughing so hard at the very same time in shock. Maybe it was all three, but if you can imagine, a group of people sitting at a table, talking, eatting, drinking, then hearing the above line and everyone just burst out laughing, in mid drinking or eatting. Food and beer went everywhere.
I remember turning towards this woman, even now I can see her just standing halfway in the bus doors looking at us half puzzled, half in embarrassed. Not knowing why suddenly a group of people sitting at a table near her, exploded in laughter, food and beer. I almost swear, she was going a shade of red. Then it hit me, she was american, african-american. And she may take things the wrong way, that we were being racist aussie bastards. Me and 2 mates, with food and beer all over our shirts and face, began to walk close to explain what she just said out aloud. Now can you imagine, being in another country having 3 guys approaching you, covered in food/beer and laughing nonstop, trying to explain the meaning of the word fanny in australan english compared to american english? As you can imagine, it didnt go down well, but she came to understand what we were trying to tell her. And in a huff she walked off.
Our lunch was ruined, it didn't seem to matter to our group. We just kept on laughing and then trying to tell each other it wasn't good form to keep laughing, which just brought out another round of tears and laughter. After I finished telling this tale to heather and her friends, her flatmate had got up and raced off to her room.. she came back with her very own fanny pak, she ran around the room saying she was putting this or that in her pussy bag or her pussy pack. I just shook my head and said, why did I even bring this up.. and started laughing.
After all the laughter had died down I finished off the fanny pak chronicle. I told of the story, of a las vegas comedian flying to australia in the 1950's or early 60's. To do one of the very first live national broadcasts on australian tv. Like most comedians, he used his day to day life as his show. Naturally enough, his wife was a good source of his jokes. He walked on stage and started his bit. Part way through, he was talking about the 30 hour flight from las vegas to australia. HE then got to the part where his wife was complaining about having to keep scratching her sore fanny, from sitting on it for that length of time. As you can imagine, the audience of that era was stunned, the tv hosts were stunned and the poor old american comedian was puzzled to their reaction. The show was pulled off air and the comedian was sent packing.
So ends The Fanny/fanny pack chronicles.
My fanny pak chronicles start in 2002 in canada, when I was hiking with a few canadian friends. We had started the trip and the girls started talking about shoving things into the fanny paks or trying to stuff more things into the small fanny paks. I think the point where I first lost it and started laughing, was when one of the girls mention trying to fit in some bananas into her fanny pak and it WAS JUST TOO BIG to fit in her fanny. The 12 year old boy within myself, just burst out laughing, which made the girls pull a puzzled face. I manage to keep way from the subject, but they had noticed I was always pull a bit of a smirk, when they mentioned certain words.. and I finally gave in.. For the next 8 hours all I heard was putting this or that in their pussy bags! Because in australia, uk and NZ, fanny= vagina, pussy.. etc.. I think you get the idea right? And fanny in north america, is a cutesy name for bum/backside/bottom or arse!!! wait, I mean ass, for you americanos.
Now, I don't go out of my way to bring this story up time and time again with travellers or random people I meet. It takes a certain thing to trigger a tale. And this happen, in New york city. I had met a new york girl, by the name of heather in london and I had caught up with her again in NYC. It was an evening at her place, talking to her flat mate and her flatemates boyfriend. This was roughly 2003/2004. Heather asked me to tell a story or travel tale of mine, it hit me that there was 3 americans in the room and this would be a tale to tell them.
I began where it all started, middle of the 1990s, 1996 or 1997, roughly. On top of Mount Cootha. A city lookout in brisbane. I was up there with friends, having a nice lunch and a few drinks. I looked around at the 3 americans, heather and her friends listen with interest. You see, we had been filling our gobs with food and drink when a large tourist bus pulled up to the lookout. We could hear the accents miles away, it was a bus full of americans. We paid little attention to the bus, until this one women began to come off the bus. She was a very large african-american woman, As she got to the exit doors on the bus, she said out in a very loud southern american drawl accent, "I got such a saw FANNY, from sitting on that bus all day!" MY memory is a little bit hazzy now, But I wasnt sure if it was the food I was either spitting out or choking on or the beer that came out of my nose that nearly killed me or the very fact I was laughing so hard at the very same time in shock. Maybe it was all three, but if you can imagine, a group of people sitting at a table, talking, eatting, drinking, then hearing the above line and everyone just burst out laughing, in mid drinking or eatting. Food and beer went everywhere.
I remember turning towards this woman, even now I can see her just standing halfway in the bus doors looking at us half puzzled, half in embarrassed. Not knowing why suddenly a group of people sitting at a table near her, exploded in laughter, food and beer. I almost swear, she was going a shade of red. Then it hit me, she was american, african-american. And she may take things the wrong way, that we were being racist aussie bastards. Me and 2 mates, with food and beer all over our shirts and face, began to walk close to explain what she just said out aloud. Now can you imagine, being in another country having 3 guys approaching you, covered in food/beer and laughing nonstop, trying to explain the meaning of the word fanny in australan english compared to american english? As you can imagine, it didnt go down well, but she came to understand what we were trying to tell her. And in a huff she walked off.
Our lunch was ruined, it didn't seem to matter to our group. We just kept on laughing and then trying to tell each other it wasn't good form to keep laughing, which just brought out another round of tears and laughter. After I finished telling this tale to heather and her friends, her flatmate had got up and raced off to her room.. she came back with her very own fanny pak, she ran around the room saying she was putting this or that in her pussy bag or her pussy pack. I just shook my head and said, why did I even bring this up.. and started laughing.
After all the laughter had died down I finished off the fanny pak chronicle. I told of the story, of a las vegas comedian flying to australia in the 1950's or early 60's. To do one of the very first live national broadcasts on australian tv. Like most comedians, he used his day to day life as his show. Naturally enough, his wife was a good source of his jokes. He walked on stage and started his bit. Part way through, he was talking about the 30 hour flight from las vegas to australia. HE then got to the part where his wife was complaining about having to keep scratching her sore fanny, from sitting on it for that length of time. As you can imagine, the audience of that era was stunned, the tv hosts were stunned and the poor old american comedian was puzzled to their reaction. The show was pulled off air and the comedian was sent packing.
So ends The Fanny/fanny pack chronicles.
posted by KoalaFarmer @ 12:04 pm
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