Las Vegas, city of sin. We are playing you now.

Out of San fran, I arrived in the city of sin at roughly 130am. Exiting the transit centre. I headed out into the unfamilar settings of Las vegas, baby! I looked all around, placing my very large suit case and travel bags down. Breathing out aloud, I saw a taxi pull right up in front of me. The driver jump straight out and walk straight past me. Ignoring my pleas for a cab, I looked a bit perplexed, shrugged and looked around for another cab. Noticing this very large white unmarked van, this guy walks from behind the van and asks me if I want a cab? I tell him, sure do mate. He looks me up and down and tells me he'll go get him out of the transit centre. I nod, thinking seems a bit weird. About 5mins passes and out the guy comes again. Telling me the taxi driver is too busy, but If I want a lift in his van, he can do it. I look this guy up and down, look at the unmarked van. I think to myself, no matter how good I think I am in defending myself. there could be 3 guys in the back of that van and this guy could have a shotgun. I tell him, mate thanks for the offer. I've been taken in and driven around by complete strangers wanting to be friendly. But, today I'll pass. I grab a cab and hit my place of stay. Thanks though for the offer. Lets say my spider senses were tingling.

I then turned left, noticing the taxi rank was a good 20-30 feet away I started to walk across the road, when out of no where this little old guy comes up to me and asks me how I am going. I nod and say g'day mate. I'm good, how are you? The old guy picks I'm australian right off. Which surprizes me, as most americans always think I'm english. We talk for a bit. I tell him I'm getting a cab. Just be in the city all of 15 mins at most. He tells me yea, the taxi rank is 2min walk up. I tell him, yea I sorta can see it here mate. Then suddenly he looks around and asks me, do I want any drugs or hookers? I start laughing. I go, "mate, No I am fine". he keeps asking me and I tell him, I've only been in Las vegas 10-20mins. The guy looks dishearten, so I say, how about you find me the biggest breasted hooker, with 3 lines of drugs down her chest that I can lick and snort off and I'll be up for that! His eyes Just light up.. noticing, he's taking me very serious I laugh and say very quickly, I'm joking, Mate I am joking! He starts quickly speaking, he's not a cop, he's not a cop! At this point I'm just laughing so hard, nodding I go, Look I'm getting a taxi. have a good one. Make sure to visit my country one day.. And get the hell out of there!

Not really phased by this, I'm thinking what a blood introduction to las vegas. As I travel to the older part of vegas, the taxi driver is telling me how dodgy this area is. How much, I'm going ot have to look out for myself and when we pull up to the place I am staying at, he drivers right up too the door, mounting the sidewalk. I was sorta feeling like a vip of somesort charging out of danger!! I tell the guy thanks, give him couple bucks tip. I then check in and by the time I'm all sorted, Its about 330am. I walk down to reception and ask, does this city run 24/7? I'm told yes it does! So I head out into the night. As I'm walking up to main area, I can see this stero typical guy, in a white nike jumpsuit, gold chains, rings, diamonds, cell phones. As I walk up, he asks me do I want drugs or hookers Or both? I turned to him, half laughing, "mate, can I ask you a question?" pimpdady tells me,"yea sure, what?" with a half a smile I said, "Have I got, I need drugs and hookers tatooed across my forehead or something?" "I've only been in your city for a couple hours. This is the 2nd or 3rd offer." He turns to me and tells me, guys got to make a living. So I tell him, "well, everyone knows you don't do drugs and hookers on ya very first night in vegas. You sight see. You check the place out." On the 2nd night, you do all the bad shit. So walking away laughing, I tell him, I'll see him tomorrow. Which of course, wasn't going to happen.

So Vegas for me, within the first 2 hours, lived up to the title. City of sin. No where elses around the world, was I offer drugs/woman in such a short space of time. Hell, Maybe they thought I just needed to get laid and wasted? Who bloody knows, Life is an adventure. It will throw up paths you can take everyday. Which ones you take, are all up to you. I think I'm glad, I didn't dance with the devil in las vegas. But I'm not saying I didn't get to meet a few she devils along the way, while I was there! Vegas, has it all!

And you don't have to be even looking for it.. It will find you!

Scotland Travel collage of Pics 2003. behold the cold harsh beauty that be SCOT-Land

Dean&Stu. Phar Lap and myself. Darren, harold and me.Lizzy and myself. Stu making luv to our rental car.Various pics of myself doing silly shit.

Now here is How you sell an Ipod baby!! With an australian icon.. And the sydney harbour bridge.. Lol.. did you get my joke? Ok.. fair enough.. football is coming home.. Like a tiger.

Notice my sunburn? Half my leg is red! *shakes head*

Grampians and the boys of hot rocks lava bar.

My send off From Melbourne.

My send off, Bug Bar in Melbourne. I was trying to hide and avoid getting drunk. How foolish was I? Drink you merry bastard, drink!! Collection of people I met, adventured, laugh, lived and.. wait for it.. drank with. The last alliance of pisspots Dec 2004.

Big johns send off. The man from Yorkshire. Wait, I'm half a foot taller and got bigger teeth. Then again, john can drink for his country. I would just be a sub for mine. The 5 piss pots. 2 irishmen, 1 northern irish man,yorkshiremen and 1 Aussie.

Here we have Helen, a welsh lass turning 30 in wellington back in the middle of 2004. Bunch of my travel.. wait, I mean lets get blind roaring drunk with partners and then we'll see the country travel mates.

Auckland Skytower, Scouting it out before I jumped off the bloody thing. Thats Auckland in Nue ZueLund.. bro! err, I mean, In New zealand, mate!

When Australians clash overseas.

Tale of Aussies clashing overseas. In london 2003. First let me paint a picture of how some of us aussies refer to each other inside our own country. Call it friendly banter between states of australia. Queensland my state call people from NSW, cockroaches. And the NSWers call us canetoads or banana benders. Due to the fact our state is overrun with bananas and canetoads.. Why do we call them cockroaches? Outside of them smelling funny, theres millions of the buggers in sydney alone, compare to the whole state of Queensland.


So here I am in london, sharing a dorm room with a girl from sydney. Nice enough girl, but as a joke I walked up to the front desk to complain about the health problems in this backpackers. I was greeted with a stunned look, from the girls behind the desk, who I might add where all aussies from NSW. As you can guess, you might know where I am going with this. I walked up and said, I've got a health complaint. Theres the biggest dam god cockroach, in my room I've ever seen!!! The girls are omg, cockroach? I said yes, its huge! Roughly 5'4", walks funny, makes funny sounds non stop. Complains its to cold in the room.. I want to know what you guys can do about this? Its dam shocking for a Queenslander to put up with a bloody big cockroach like that for 6 days!! The girls just look completely stunned, but as the words, 5'4", queenslander, start rining through their brains, they begin to laugh out aloud.. I go yea thats right, I've got a girl from sydney in my room, whos 5'4" tall.. Bloody cockroaches, I leave my country and have to put up with the vermin over here, can you have pest control come in and sort it out.. The next 10mins is all the girls throwing everything they can at me, shouting get that bloody canetoad!!! Chasing me down the hallway, with me yelling out aloud, go the queenslanders!!!

*My thoughts while posing for the pic* Why can't there be peace in the world? For the children, why not for the children? Wait, is that a dolphin?

Grrrrrrrrr... Come on you Spurs.. (tottenham Hotspurs towel hanging off wall) Or would that be meow?

Superman? Catch me I am falling. Grampians 2004 Oct.. I think roughly. Pic taken by sexy stu. The David beckham of the stripper world, in the Uk.

My flair for the dramatic. I am a leo, by the gods! Melbourne CBD. The very heart of the city 2004.

England vs New Zealand rugby Union, Me wearing full australian rugby kit but with the silver fern on my face. Well ok, its black. Its meant to be silver.. As you can see I was outnumbered.

Spawns of satan. I just like to call them, liam and ethan.

Liam (left) Ethan (right) my sisters kids, in one of their finer moments.. Yes, ethan is cross dressing in his mothers night gown.

The very first mad thing to happen to me on my around the world trip 2003/2004.

My wee adventuring tale, Dean and the irishman, drinking contest. London 2003 sept. It was a fine grand old day in london town. A wee bit chilly for this Northern tropical australian. Something he's just not use to. But as billy connely would say, you're not dressing correctly for the weather..Its just a matter of the right clothing. Throwing on a smart sports coat and trusty pair of jeans and sneakers, which I call the jerry seinfeld look. I headed out to north london. Home of my beloved Tottenham hotspurs. An english soccer club, with a great history, though not living up too it currently. Most people will have heard of arsenal, tottenhams greatests rivals and manchester utd. Again I am digressing here.

After wandering around north london and checking out spurs soccer stadium.. realizing most of the area was lower income class and cheap land value, being offered a few tricks by the local ladies of the street and rejecting them, I learnt of the cockriel. The spurs supporters bar. Tottenhams, symbol is that of the cockriel. I headed into the bar, chatting with a few locals sitting around chilling out. They were surprized to met an aussie from the real "outback" who'd supported spurs for over 20 years. It was strange for them, that someone from so far had traveled to met his beloved team. I interrupted their little dream with, steady on.. I havent come all this way just for spurs. But while I am here of course i'll check them out.

Jumping ahead, at the end of the bar to my left was a irishman, who wanted to have a wee drinking contest, with little old me. I looked him up and down and said, ok. But, here is the jist of it. I haven't drank in 8 months. I'm up for it. Just don't put my country on my back, alright? I'll give you a go for ya money mate. I have at thee!!! I HAVE AT THEE!! Getting all dramtic. The irishman looked me up and down, then said.. thats not how it happen, you made that last bit up! *cough* what, huh? wooops.. sssh, its calling being dramatic.. Anyway, cutting to the chase. 8 pints of guinness had flown down each of our mouths. He looked at me, I at him. He turned, with a look of, this could be an expensive night. He asked me, you up for more aussie? Feeling ok at this point said, yes mate. Strangly, I'm not feeling any ill effects. So, I'll just got to the dunny to empty the bladder and we'll go for it again. The irishman, lets call him paddy for story sake, nods and goes ok then. This is where things get a little nuts. 10mins goes by, paddy turns to me and goes, Ain't you going to the dunny? I said, I am mate I am. I just have one problem. He said, whats that? Well, you see. I can't uncross my bloody legs. Paddy, looking down to my legs, notices the upper muscles in my legs twitching but nothing is moving.. has a bit of a laugh and asks me, am I ok? 5 more mins passes and finally I get my legs uncrossed. Now this is where you readers need to have some imagnation. I ended up walking like the puppets from thunderbirds, towards the tiolet. As soon as I stood up, everything just rushed to my head. After I had finished my business in the tiolet, I came back too the bar, and gave in. But before I left, paddy turned to me and said, word of advice aussie. Laughing, I said yeah? Paddy smiled, never take on an unemployed irish bricklayer, you'll loose everytime. I laughed out aloud and said, mate I'll write that down and double check when ever I get to do this again.

Heading home also ended up being an adventure. I feel thats best left for another day. I got home to my place of stay to find the a beautiful woman, still waiting up for me and wanting to go out for dinner. I looked at her and just said, sorry love. I've been out all day, got into adrinking contest and well lets say. This aussie cowboys going to be sleeping it off.. Life is an adventure! PS: never trust the irish and just about passed out on the chair beside her.

Car hygiene is very important..

How to keep your car clean. God how I have slaved over that finish.. *flicks hair back*

Random Pic From NZ's North Isle.

Lake taupo NZ. 2 travel companions. Monique and Anna.

Fist Full of Kiwis...

Returning back to New zealand. I headed to Kiwi land armed with alot of anti kiwi jokes and comebacks to any s-h-i-t, that was going to come my way. Its a friendly stirring thing between both nations. I was to learn, most its us aussies and not the kiwis. Who are just all too happy to chill out and have a good time. I was pretty stunned by this turn of events. Maybe, the kiwis lack the brain power to come up with any decent goes at us aussies, whos to know? Though, this is the only anti aussie joke I heard in my entire time in NZ. Goes a little like this:



IN the next americas cup race, the australian team, pool together the most money ever in the sports history. Building the biggest.. The fastests.. the lightest and the strongest americas cup yacht ever there was to be seen!!! The aussies, feeling proud of themselves, wanted a name to now match this fast and powerful boat. That Was in no doubt in the aussies eyes going to win the next cup for australia. After much thinking, the australians finally came up with a name, for their new boat. One they thought would do them justice. The name for the boat was....... The michael Jackson. Why? Because it was fast around the bouys, boom, boom!!! (aussies and kiwis pronouce bouy as boy) Giddy up!! Bloody kiwi sheep lovers!!!



*Bows* Have you been entertained?

Ke'ke I am victory grampians 2004 

The Day I learnt there was a god and she's a funny bugger.

There was an irishmen (deco) An englishman (paul) And a aussie (me) sitting in a mixed dorm room. (male/female) I know this sounds like a joke you hear in your local pub. Though I promise its much more then that I swear this is fair dinkum.


I simply asked the guys what type of person would they most like to rock up and join us in the room.. Deco wanted a porn star, Paul wanted a model. I slapped their heads together and told them, we are in a backpackers. Lets be a bit more realistic, Then I said, I would not mind 3 blonde swedish female backpackers.. Both of the other guys just looked at each other then me and went, phwoaaar! So it was agreed.


Most of that afternoon, we kept talking about 3 blonde female swedish backpackers we'd like to rock up into our room..Then around 4-5pm in the evening we heard a noise at our door. Our eyes darts too the door as we see it open and hear the bang of bags and sounds of people coming in.


Standing in the middle of the room, our 3 new guest would see 2 guys in the right corner and myself in the left corner. I was on the bottom bunk.. I looking them up and down, noticed they all had blonde hair and spoke in some foreign tongue and there was 3 of them.. I looked at my 2 mates, then back at the 3 new people. I simply asked, where are you from?


Their answer solved a question I'd always wanted to know. If there was a god, How? Well their answer was, they were from sweden. The look of shock on all our faces. I then began to simply say, let me get this right, 3 blonde swedish backpackers? They said yes.. I and my 2 other mates fell to the floor in fits of laughter, because we knew, that there was a god and he had heard our pleas, but because he is a complete bastard and likes to mess with people, he gave us wat we wanted.. 3 blond swedish backpackers!


The interesting part is, we'd forgetten to keep mentioning the female part. So standing before us were 3 blonde male swedish backpackers.. Who suddenly walked into a room, got asked where they were from, then had 3 guys suddenly burst out laughing, falling and rolling around on the floor.. Would you be a little surprized at that reaction when you entered a new room?


It took us all of 10-15mins to control our laughter.. I tried many times to explain that we had spent the first 20-30mins around lunch time thinking who'd we like to move into the room.. We explained we mention 3 blonde swedish female backpackers, but for the last couple hours we had dropped the female part as we thought we all knew exactly what we wanted to turn up. But it was this day, that I knew god had been watching our little game and thinking to himself. Now, how can I mess with Deans head today? Argh, yes! that'll do it..


Just to prove we weren't bad buggers, we offered to buy these guys the first round of drinks and show them what to see and avoid.
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Can life get any weirder?

A photo story of my leg through New Zealand.

Just adding in the photo story link:

http://users.bigpond.net.au/Augshome/DJtourNZMedQuality.wmv

You'll need 5-6 mins of your time, some sound and win media player 9 or higher. Sit back and enjoy, my journey, the friends I met. The fun I had...

Only In America. Rest assured, us Aussies speak a form of english.

It goes something like this, In 2003 in a pub somewhere in san diego. Myself and another aussie guy had been chatting away to a couple of nice american girls. Both of them had been attending uni locally and we were expressing our thoughts on the city, which we loved btw. Anyway, half way through our discussion on just about everything, the so called more educated girl just blurts out. Wow you guys do speak english well, but could you start speaking australian now? Both of us looked like we just been slapped with a large cold wet fish. I looked at him, he looked back at me. I quickly said, we already are.. she goes no, thats english, speak australian.

Well, I say.. we are australian not austrian. Down under, not europe love. She goes, "I know" where australia is. So thinking she means aussie slang I start using a few slangs. She cuts me off and asks no, speak true australian. Well, I'm stumped. But the other aussie guy, coming from croatian background, starts speaking a bit of croat to her.. I think he basicly said, silly american girl, australians speak english, plus a few other choice words. I looked at him, he looked back at me and winked (at the time I had no idea what he said or what tongue he just spoke in)

The american girl smiled and said wow, See I am going to learn that, so when I go to australia, I can talk with people in markets and stuff and not seem like a tourist. At this moment in time, I'm just biting my hand as not to laugh. We exchanged emails and told her, we'll type in english, but we hope you can understand it, because of our accents which might make it hard to read. But plz, tell us when you go into the language school to study australian. We'd really like to know how you do..

Anyway, 6 weeks we manage to keep this up and finally she emails us back, highly embarressed that we'd conned her for so long and she felt like a fool. I told her, as long as you can laugh about it at the end.. at least you know now..

And so the story ends....